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Disclaimer – Gundam Wing isn't mine. Duh.
It's not enough to have a little piece; I want the whole damn thing, now can you take it...
Heero found himself waking up slowly for the first time he could remember. He felt at peace, happy. Content. Warm.
And then he remembered just where he was, what had happened last night... what Duo had told him. He found Duo wrapped in his
arms, his hands on Heero's chest, his right leg caught between Heero's, his hair a tangled mass flowing all over the bed.
Heero buried his face in Duo's throat for a moment and breathed deeply of Duo's essence. Then he leaned back a bit and waited
for Duo to wake.
He couldn't believe... he didn't know what had happened with Quatre, but it had lifted something from inside him. He'd been
able to reach out. Heero didn't know what happened... but he wanted to thank Quatre. Or God. Or somebody. He had his Duo.
And, it seemed, he would have him for a while to come.
Thank you.
Heero watched as the sunlight filtered in through a window by Duo's dresser. The light played on the strands of Duo's hair,
giving them an eerie golden light not unlike a halo. Heero's lips upturned at the thought, the purely whimsical thought of
his angel that was produced by his own suddenly romantic mind. Actually, it was almost horrifying how romantic he'd become.
And since when?
Didn't matter. Duo was here, with him, and he'd make sure they stayed this way. His stomach roiled with guilt and worry about
the diary. He hadn't read any more since that first night when he'd first seen Duo again. He had to tell Duo, before he found
out. He had to explain to the American that he had come in response to the diary, not because of some sort of pity party,
but because it opened his eyes. He had to do it soon, so that it wouldn't break a bond of trust; so that it would form a stronger
one instead. And he had to do it soon.
After Quatre's dinner, he promised himself, then thought about it. Duo hadn't seemed too enthusiastic over the prospect
of having dinner with Quatre and Trowa, who Heero believed was Quatre's lover. If Duo didn't want to do it, then Heero would
call it off. Let him seem like an asshole if that was what it took to calm Duo down. Then he'd spring his little surprise
on his koi.
Wanting to skip those thoughts, he moved over a bit and felt Duo's knee go into contact with his member. The hard-on was instantaneous,
almost painful. At least now he could see the clock on the nightstand opposite him.
It was 7:16 in the morning, a fact that probably meant that Duo would not be waking up soon. Heero was fine with that. It
gave him more time to study his lover's face as he slept.
The man looked almost innocent, despite everything Heero knew he'd seen. War. Death. The church. He agonized over his love's
pain, found himself sweeping tiny strands of hair out of his face. It didn't seem right that Duo had to see that. Though he
supposed that wasn't fair, since he'd seen things horrible, as well. He just... never lost everyone. He lost someone who was
a father figure, he supposed, but... he never saw the man that way. He certainly didn't think of Doctor J that way.
Didn't matter. Seems he'll be saying that a lot now. Everything that had once been didn't matter now. He had to move forward.
He had a whole life ahead of him, something he never would have deemed possible during the war. He never would have thought
twice about being with Duo. He was a soldier. A warrior. Soldiers had no room or time for love. None at all. Every person
was a liability. They could betray you; they could mess up your performance. And Duo was most definitely distracting. And
could betray him. Just not in battle. Duo never betrayed him in battle. Duo allowed himself to be pulled recklessly along
after him in battle.
He did it willingly. He always thought it was because the American was reckless and stupid. Reckless... maybe a bit. But he
never had been and never will be stupid. Perhaps he'd been the reckless one, and Duo had been watching out for him.
Yes, Heero thought. Maybe that was exactly what had happened, right underneath his disdainful nose.
Duo twitched in Heero's arms, and Heero's attention zeroed in on his lover's face. The eyes flickered, then opened to point
drowsy amethyst eyes in his direction. A lazy smile curved Duo's heart-shaped face, and Duo scooted away to stretch, his muscles
rippling in the golden sunlight. Heero's loins tightened quickly.
He watched, a bit masochistically, as Duo arched his back, then as he turned back to Heero. "G'morning," he yawned, and Heero
thought he heard the boy's jaw crack.
"Morning, sleepyhead," he murmured, aroused beyond belief by nothing more than a stretch and a yawn. His internal clock told
him that about 45 minutes had passed, meaning that it was around 8:00. Interesting, he mused. Was it habit or coincidence
that Duo was awake around now?
"M'not a sleepyhead," Duo said, more to say something than to argue, and the effect would have been lost anyway, seeing as
he seemed to have his mouth trapped in his yawn, anyway.
Heero took great pleasure from watching Duo's morning ritual. "Do you always wake up ready for battle?" he teased, then caught
himself. Duo, oblivious, only laughed.
"Ugh."
"Oh, a likely story," Heero said, and won another chuckle. He looked out the window again, saw a bird fly past, and decided
that they had better get up. Or, maybe, he thought, they could stay in bed. Not sleep, maybe, but stay in bed.
"Most people believe it," Duo mumbled, his eyes drooping. "When did you wake up?"
"About an hour ago?"
"Oh." Duo looked almost sheepish. "Do you want to get up?"
"No," Heero said automatically. "I want to stay here, watching you."
Duo blushed to his roots, making Heero laugh. Duo's eyes came up to scan his face, seeming to memorize it. "What?" he asked,
feeling a bit off-center.
"You just never laughed before. During the war," he elaborated when Heero was about to object.
He had to seriously think about it – a hard thing to do when in bed with his lover butt naked beside him, staring at
him with sleepy, I'm-in-love-with-you eyes. If Heero tried to see himself laughing during the war, it was... impossible. Duo
was right. "I had nothing to laugh about then," he whispered, then looked back into Duo's eyes. "I didn't know I had you."
Duo blushed heatedly. "But... surely... if you looked..."
"But my eyes couldn't see," Heero told him softly. "I couldn't see anything beautiful. Everything in my mind was ugly. And
I thought everything in the Universe was just as grotesque as me."
"But Heero-!"
Heero shrugged it off, pleased that Duo wanted to argue for his goodness. "It's true. I was ugly. A part of me still is, and
I don't think it will ever change. But," he added, seeing that Duo was about to interject again, "now I can start over. The
war is over, and therefore, my need to be ugly and despicable. And I was despicable."
"No, Heero, you were everything I wished I could have been!" Duo shouted angrily, pushing himself up onto his elbow, glaring
down into Heero's stunned face. "You were objective. You were smart. You could do anything! You weren't afraid of dying if
it meant the mission was completed. I was afraid of everything. What if? What if I killed an innocent? What if I messed up
and got an ally hurt? What about Quatre? What about..." Duo faltered, then pushed on. "What if I wasn't good enough, and got
you killed?"
Duo's words flew threw Heero like ice. "Duo, I wouldn't have-"
"Shut up," Duo snapped, "I'm not done. You, on the other hand," he continued, "weren't afraid of what could happen. You were
strong, capable. You'd been born for the cockpit. Not me. I was a... a street rat, a thief. I didn't belong in the battlefield,
alongside warriors like you and Trowa and 'Fei. I... I wished I was just like you every day. I wished I didn't see... others
in the nameless faces that I fought."
Slightly winded and confused, Duo finished with, "you were perfect, Heero. You still are. You've never... ever... been
ugly."
"I want to believe what you say," Heero said slowly. "But-"
"No buts!" Duo stopped and smiled suddenly. "This is a really stupid argument."
Heero thought about it and smiled. "And you're trying to change the subject."
Duo laughed outright. "Yeah." He frowned then. "I feel like we have something to do, though..."
"Quatre's invitation. love," Heero reminded him gently, and watched as his eyes sparkled, then clouded. "What's wrong?"
Duo shook his head, his eyes dropping. "I just... always hated going out with Quatre and Trowa," he said quietly. "They are...
very... beautiful together..."
"Do you think that we're ugly together?" Heero asked, noting that his voice got a bit stoic and unable to prevent it.
Duo's eyes were wide in horror as his eyes fled from the bed sheets to Heero's face. "No!" he cried with such enthusiasm that
Heero felt his entire body sag in relief before he knew he was tense.
"Then what would be the problem with being with me when we go to the restaurant?" Heero asked, innocently curious.
Duo seemed surprised. "You want to go?"
Heero smiled for Duo. "Of course."
"But... you seemed so reluctant..." Duo told him.
Heero shook his head. It seemed that they were going to still misunderstand each other a bit, despite having made love twice
now. "It was your decision to make, not mine."
"Oh." Heero quirked an eyebrow, and Duo grinned sheepishly. "So, uh, I guess you don't know where Quatre usually chooses to
eat?"
Heero groaned. "Let me guess... a disgustingly fancy restaurant?"
Duo nodded, trying to swallow a grin.
Heero sighed theatrically and stood. "Lucky me," he muttered, looking down at his lover. "Thankfully, I was dumb enough to
grab a tuxedo when I came here. I was... a bit reckless with what I snatched."
Heero left Duo to consider his words and dragged out his suitcase from the linen closet in Duo's hallway, dug through and
grabbed his tux. It was a bit wrinkled, but irons had been invented, so he thought he'd survive. He turned and saw Duo looking
at him appraisingly, boxers covering his lower body. "You're walking through my house naked," Duo informed him, and Heero
noticed he was.
"The problem?"
Duo's eyes were bright. "Take a guess."
Heero's grin was close to feral. "Ah. Well, we do need to get changed, so..." His grin was practically wicked then. "Looks
like we'll have to suffer."
Duo growled, but it was more lust than agitation. "You're going to be hell to live with, aren't you?"
Heero's grin only widened. Well, well. Duo was seriously considering him moving in and living with him. Excellent.
"Well, since you're Shinigami, you should be right at home with me," Heero said flippantly, and earned a bark of a laugh for
his efforts. Duo walked off then.
Heero listened as he walked around his room, then came out and stepped back into Heero's line of vision. His eyes stared at
the wall as he held his hand out, and Heero struggled not to laugh. "Here, I'll iron your clothes."
"Thank you," Heero murmured, touched despite Duo's modesty, which in itself was quite charming, if one didn't take it personally.
He handed his clothes over to the American, who swept off again.
Perhaps others would think they were getting ready too early, but both held their appearances in high regard. They didn't
want people passing them to mutter, "oh, they must be ex-pilots. Look at how scruffy they are!" behind their backs. Or at
least that was Heero's reason. Don't let anyone suspect anything. For Duo, Heero thought, thinking back to what Duo had said
earlier, it could be because he had been a street rat. That experience may have made him want to look respectable to the public
– a sort of "see? I'm not just some trash on the side of the road!" to everyone looking.
In any case, they mutually decided that they wouldn't eat, which would save their stomachs from internal combustion later
on in the day. It was noon before they were ready to consider putting on clothes. They ate a quick snack – temptation
and all that. Duo seemed to be getting a little edgy, and Heero gave him a reassuring kiss that made Duo's eyes water a bit.
When they pulled apart, Duo ran off to the shower, and Heero waited patiently for his turn.
Duo really was worried about this dinner, Heero realized, and he wasn't certain how to calm his koi down. He thought about
it for a good fifteen minutes, but then Duo yelped in the shower stall and he ended up with a soapy body in his arms, water
soaking his still-bare body. He found himself taking his shower with Duo.
A good hour later, they were toweling off. Duo became almost obsessed with appearance, and Heero finally just plucked the
brush from his hands when he started rebraiding his hair for the tenth time.
Finally, the two were ready to go with merely an hour left. Duo kept messing up his tie, his fingers trembling, and Heero
fixed it for him, smiling reassuringly. Duo's smile was a bit tremulous. "Duo-love, what's the problem?"
Duo's grin faded entirely. "I don't know!" he stated restlessly, then started raking his hands through his hair. He nervously
made them fall to his sides again. "I don't understand what my problem is. It hasn't been this bad since... since the first
time I went out with the guy. I just... I don't want-"
"It's about me," Heero finished. "You're worried about me somehow."
"Yes," Duo hissed in irritation, “but I don't know why."
Heero leaned against the door, watching Duo as he nervously fiddled with his tie. "I can take care of myself."
"I know that," Duo snapped. "I just don't know... other stuff."
Heero's eyebrow did that lifting thing again. "Other stuff?"
Duo's eyes skimmed right over Heero's face. "You know, like... like how you and Trowa are going to-"
"We are on friendly terms," Heero stated firmly, "as are Quatre and myself. I've stayed in touch; it's only been a few months."
"Kiss my ass," Duo muttered, and Heero's grin told Duo that he very much wanted to. "Smart-ass," he then added.
Heero was about to retort, but the doorbell rang at that precise moment. Heero felt his voice gentle. "You ready?" he said
instead, and waited for Duo's shaky nod before turning to the door.
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