Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Duh.

I grimaced and turned away in defense. “What are you on about?” I groused.

Heero, ever full of himself, stepped forward without taking a hint. “Duo, I mean... you said you grouped together to survive when on the streets. During the war-”

“We were younger. Stupid. We grew up.” I went to one of the beds and ran one of my hands along the comforter, a boring pastel – a hotel necessity, unless it was to be a simple bold color. Yellow with flowers. Fruity. I almost snorted at the random thought.

“Grew up?” Wufei echoed. “How do you mean? We were fools during the war? How can you say that?”

I shrugged. “Weren't we? Everything was black and white to you, and Heero believed that emotions were a weakness. And I... well, I was so obviously a fool that even you two noticed it.” I walked to the nightstand and studied it. There were scratch marks, most likely from the multitude of keys that were carelessly dropped onto it. Funny how people only care about their furniture.

“Duo-” Wufei began, but Heero cut him off.

“Stop pitying yourself. It's not attractive.”

I whirled on him, fury flaring to life. He always had that ability, and it hadn't dulled with time in the slightest. “You bastard, it's not pity, it's a fact!” Still, I felt the sting of truth. “How'd you see me? Huh? All of you – how the fuck did you see me?!”

Heero's frown deepened. “That's not the point,” he began.

“The hell it's not,” I snapped. “Tell me, did you think I was fit to pilot the Deathscythe? No. I know because I heard. Being stupid isn't the same as being deaf, after all. I heard all of you say it at least once, though Quatre was nice enough to keep the condescension from his voice. But he, at least, figured it out. Did you, O Perfect Soldier?”

“We shouldn't be fighting,” Wufei said, once more unreasonably calm. The man could probably face down hurricanes. “We need to work together.”

“Fine.” I turned away without another word. Pity? Damn Heero for throwing that at me. Especially since it was exactly what I'd been doing. “Good night.” I moved off to the far bed. One of them could take the floor. Hopefully it would be Heero.

“Wait – Duo–” Wufei stepped forward, but stopped suddenly. I looked back without turning my head. Heero was shaking his head at Wufei. I grimaced and got into the bed, ripping back the covers. Then I closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep.

Pity? Dammit, I didn't want to be a pathetic self-pitier who went around wanting the world to apologize and beg forgiveness. I didn't want to be like that. But I also...

I rolled over, keeping my breath even with an effort. So I was being a pathetic coward. All right; I could move on from that. Trust Heero to slap it in your face. Mr. Sensitive.

I settled my mind and let my body relax into sleep. Tomorrow was another day. Another chance to learn and to change. It was what I was here to do, other than kill a psychotically powerful criminal. I could do that.

I gave a tired chuckle as I fell into the darkness of sleep.

<*>

I awoke for my shift at the end and watched dawn break. The thing had to be broken; there shouldn't be any brown, should there? Then I woke up Wufei and Heero – the latter had volunteered for take the floor, which kind of ruined it, really. Shouldn't he have been forced down there? It made him... noble. Bastard.

I shook it off, knowing the thought was petty. Then I got ready for the day.

“All right,” I said once everyone was done, “it should be okay for us to go back now.”

“Do you know the area?” Heero asked.

I gave him a blank look. “No. I'm stupid.”

Wufei sighed.

Heero's look was sharp. “Still on that, are you, Duo? You're acting childish.”

I was only a second from punching him in his arrogant face. “And you're acting pompous. What can I say, Heero? We all have our little quirks.”

“Stop, the both of you,” Wufei snapped. “You're both acting like fools. This is not our priority.”

I turned to Wufei. As usual, he was the most steady of us all. Though... wasn't it odd that Heero was letting his emotions enter all this? I flicked my glance to him. He seemed unsettled. Huh.

“We are going to assess those ruins. Duo, what is that place?”

“A church.” I resigned myself to having to explain a few things. “I lived there for a short time, so I understand the layout of the place.”

“Lived there?” Heero echoed.

I shot him a quick glare. “That's right.” And I went on to explain the outline. “There's a foyer that broke up into three part: two hallways left and right, and the chapel straight ahead.”

“And the cellar?” Heero asked.

“There wasn't one. I know for sure, because I looked once. I liked hidey-holes.” I shrugged. “There were stairs leading to small rooms. Sister Helen had one, Father Maxwell had one... and the other kids and I shared the other two. They collapsed, of course. But there was no cellar. However, those men disappeared by where the podium stood.”

“I see.” Wufei nodded, then hesitated. “Father Maxwell?”

“That's right.” I said nothing more on the subject, instead double-checking my weapons.

“Well, let's get going,” Heero ordered. “We want to be discreet.”

“Then walk around like you own the place,” I suggested. “Pimps are like that, and you two have the look of them.”

Heero just glared, but Wufei cocked an eyebrow. “Oh? And what do you look like?”

I hid my pistol in the back of my jeans. “A hooker.”

There was that silence again.

I headed to the door. “Are you guys ready to move out?”

“Yes.” Heero took charge, which hit my irk-O-meter. “We'll head over to the site and do a quick recon. Duo, you understand the area. You'll watch out for dangers.”

“Fine.”

“Wufei, you and I will check the place out. Duo will remain topside.”

What the hell? I looked at Heero sharply. He was obviously keeping a distance between us. Worse, he was also bringing Wufei with him just in case I didn't care enough about his life. This wasn't about the fight we just had, was it? Did he truly believe that I would want him dead?

Bastard!

I grit my teeth and imagined the delicious thought of drugging the rat-whore and dunking his face into the ocean. He, oblivious, turned and spoke to Wufei about which areas each would cover once inside.

Okay. To take stock of my emotions... anger. Betrayal, Petulance. I didn't like the last one, but, dammit, I wasn't happy about any of this bullshit. I had never had any intention of ever meeting Wufei and Heero again. Hell, a part of me hadn't expected to make it through this damn mission. And certainly I had never expected to have to share my ship, for them to ever see my poems. For them to learn anything about my past. Or for them to snoop around in my old haunts.

No, there was nothing to be happy about in all this.

Plus, Heero... Heero was the same, and et so totally different. When before I'd managed to place him into a category, he no longer fits. He used to be cold, hard, and calculating, with a hint of something more beneath that he had managed to cipher away. Now... was it that the something had come to the forefront? But no, not completely, if only because he was a Preventor. No, parts of Heero were the same. His confidence, his calculating mind. But... there was more.

“Were we your gang?”

Yes, something had changed. Not that Heero suddenly figured it out, because the bastard had always been able to skip from Point A to Point G without warning. It was simply that the old Heero wouldn't have cared enough to ask.

And Wufei had switched a bit, as well. He was more... what? Kind? Worried? He was still a warrior, still honorable, and still obsessed with justice. But he seemed to be more accepting of the idea of allies. And he seemed to genuinely care about them.

What was it about them that made them able to move on? Was it because of what they fought fr? Heero with his dream of peace and Wufei with his dreams of justice and integrity... while I, little ol' Duo Maxwell, fought to help children and bring revenge for those I'd lost... was that it? Or was it something else... something I had missed... or maybe something I inherently lacked...

There it was again: that disgusting self-pity and self-repugnance.

Well, fine. They traveled on my ship, used my evidence, borrowed my weapons, and use me a trash. In the end, I suppose they trust me a bit more: at least they expect me to watch out for them. And they didn't expect my coordinates to make them crash into an asteroid or anything.

I glared at the door. So. They acted nice, they tried to get to know me, they showed concern. But still, I was nothing to them. They had changed, but not enough.

<*>

We managed to arrive without incident, and Heero and Wufei trooped off to do their Preventor thing. Meanwhile, I stood looking around like a retard in shirt and jeans. Oh, the joy of a mercenary's life.

The church was haunting in its ruinous state. A couple beams lay rotting on their sides. On beam was caught on another, lifting it into a diagonal. The stone floor remained in some areas as if it had been protected by the bodies. If I tried, I would see the bodies left behind.

I didn't try.

Nothing stirred, really; nothing would in this part of the colony for another few hours. Then the harmless crazies would arrive, sniffing and snorting and limping. Then a pimp or two, looking for someone to snatch for their groups. A couple street rats, as well, to try to get some money from the blocks nearby, where a few people were lucky enough to find work. The rest would wake at dusk. Yes. Here lived the night.

I leaned against the corner of the building next to the wreckage. It would be impossible to completely blend in. No one stood still for long around these parts. I didn't glance at where Wufei and Heero had disappeared, but I wanted to. I wanted to go down and take part in the action. Instead I got the boring guard duty. How lame.

It had to be a half-hour before I saw any movement. Two men, both dressed down but with expensive taste. We both saw one another at the same time. They both snatched up their guns.

I ducked down and ripped my gun from the back of my jeans. They shouted something that sounded like “cop!” and opened fire.

I rolled to the side and pivoted, kneeled and aimed. Without thought.

The first dropped like a stone.

The second ran to cover behind a slab of the church.

“Tch.” I ducked for cover by the diagonal beam. I saw him reach out, adjusted my movements. He was calling for his downed partner as if that would magically revive him.

Then he flipped over the slab and darted to where Heero and Wufei were.

“Shit!” I leaped up as well, following him. He turned and shot, but his aim was wild.

Mine wasn't.

It hit home, just as I knew it would. He fell to the ground in a heap. I ran up to him, just in case, but he, too, was dead. People were coming out now, to stare and see who won the battle, who had taken control of what.

Dammit. Pimps.

This time there were three, all coming from different areas, all investigating. They would see me, and they might know. There were only two options as to what I was – either a pimp or a cop. And I certainly didn't look like a pimp.

Fuck.

“It's a pig,” one grunted. The hookers screamed and ran off, and the street rats silently returned to their holes. But thugs were popping out, wielding guns and slabs of wood.

To keep appearances – to keep Heero and Wufei out of this mess – I had to leave.

“They'll never forgive me,” I muttered, and raced off.

“Hold it!”

More gunshots, this time with more accurate aim. Roars resounded through the streets.

“Wait, don't kill him!” I heard one call. “Catch him alive. He'd make a fine whore.”

Oh, shit.

I doubled my efforts and switched to a side alley. Yes, I remembered this place. There were two old hiding spots here, but I couldn't use either of them now. I was too old. Too big. The best I could do was keep running.

I turned just as a shot ricocheted past my shoulder. This building didn't have a main function and only served as headquarters for various criminals. Past it should be two more blocks of warehouses no longer used, then railroad tracks. Beyond those was a small shopping district. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was often occupied. Scratching up some coins wasn't too hard around there. It was as if those railroad tracks divided more than just a few feet of land.

I lead them there, led them to a small area that I knew well, a place I went once when an angry pimp – who I hadn't marked in time – chased me off his turf. Yes, that place would be perfect – a narrow passage with a small niche near the end. Perfect for picking people off one by one.

I swerved into that tiny little passageway and crammed myself into that small niche. The pounding footsteps faltered for a second, then turned in.

I reached out from behind my safe little corner and shot. One.

“Argh!”

Two.

“Aaagh!”

“Shit! Shit!”

Three.

“Aaahh!”

I waited, listening carefully, as one tried to sit up. With a quick glance, I hit him with a ricochet shot and downed the fucker unconscious. There would be no point in taking them to the police, since the authorities here were afraid of them. But this time if they saw a cop with a braid, they may think again before trying to use him.

I stepped out from my spot and looked at them. I didn't recognize any of them. They must have either overthrown their superiors or simply taken their place. And none of them were the one who had chased me down that day.

I shrugged and pocketed my pistol. Only one bullet left in it, but it was still useful. I went back to where Wufei and Heero were.

<*>

I'd been lucky; the two had been busy themselves, having walked in while two slept on the floor, smashed. They'd been left there by their comrades to sleep it off, but they'd been positioned behind some crates and the Preventors hadn't seen them until they'd broken open a crate and woken them up.

What had ensued was about the same as what I had gone through, only easier because while I had been one, Heero and Wufei were two. So I had given them the all-clear and they'd left without Heero and Wufei any the wiser for what had occurred top-side. For the best, since they would never forgive me for hurting the pimps and then just leaving them.

As for the two dead guys, well, I certainly wasn't hiding them. But when I'd pointed them out, Heero just nodded and left to go to a different hotel, one he'd apparently seen when we'd been walking to the church. There he called Commander Une and informed her that a weapons cache had been found and that we would be staying with that cache until Une came to pick us up.

So, as another precaution, I stayed far, far away from Heero and Wufei that night.

<*>

It didn't surprise me in the slightest that I had a nightmare. That had been expected. I awoke silently with sweat on my back and face, staring wildly into the dust and wishing I could get the faces out of my head. I'd sworn vengeance, and I'd gotten it. Why did I have to stay in this Hell after victory had been attained?

I sat up and gazed around. The cellar had been made secretly, that was for certain. But we had no way of knowing whether this was Jack Harlow's doing or not – Heero and Wufei had shot to kill, as well. Instinct was hard to fight back, after all.

But the place was shit. There were old-fashioned kerosene lamps to bring light. They cast eerie shadows as they swung. Children would have seen boogey-men. I saw ghosts.

There were beams holding up the little space and various crates. They held an assortment of goodies – pistols, rifles, shotguns, grenades, and one absolutely beautiful grenade launcher. Then there were packs of ammo and a couple boxes of food and water. Just in case a small siege was necessary. Useful.

I had taken a few of the pistol bullets, pissing off Heero and Wufei.

“Mercenary,” I had reminded them, and grinned wickedly. Goody-goodies.

But now they were on the other side of the room, blocked from sight by some of the bulkier crates. For now, I was safe to recuperate on my own.

“Duo. I know you're awake. I heard the change in your breathing.”

Heero was a goddamn freak.

“So?” I kept my voice down to a murmur, but it was harsh. At the moment, the tone wasn't as important as the steadiness.

“You said you were here for a while, right?”

Why the hell did he want to get to know me? Why was it so outrageously important to him now, when before he couldn't stand learning anything other than mission specs? What exactly had changed? How? Why?

“Yeah.” Like I was going to give him any more information. “But this cellar didn't exist. I know that well enough.”

“Did G pick you up here?”

Yeah. He hunted through countless orphanages before finding me.”

He wasn't close, so I was surprised to hear him sigh. “So you were here when the fire occurred.”

“No. Weren't you the one who said not to make assumptions or whatever?”

“'Assumptions lead to mistakes,' yes. But you had a haunted look in your eyes when you saw this place. Therefore something bad had to have happened, meaning you hadn't been picked up by a foster family.”

“Do you really think prospective parents would have entered this part of the colony?” I asked sardonically. “But it could have been anything else – I could have just been remembering them alive.” Which I had been... and hadn't been.

“No, it was nothing so simple. Not with that face. Besides, they may have been important in your life, but you wouldn't have taken the name Maxwell – no, more, you wouldn't have worn those priest's garments during the war – if something drastic hadn't occurred here.”

I grit my teeth. The man should use his deductive skills on something better – like how to shut up. Since when had Heero become such a damn blabbermouth?

“Anything else, Sherlock?” I asked sardonically.

“Yes. Who did you take the name Duo after?”

I hissed sharply.

“Was there someone you knew named Duo? Someone from the orphanage – the church? Or was it before that? After? Was he the person that poem is dedicated to?”

Nosy bastard! “No, no, no, and – hmm – no. Now if you'll excuse me, I want some more sleep before my shift.”

I laid down and brought my little army blanket up with a quick snap. I managed to close my eyes to two minutes of silence before he spoke again, this time quieter than ever.

“You know, Duo... we've been worried about you.”

I clenched my fists. “That's nice.”

“You may not believe us, but it's true. It took us a long time, but we realized that there was more to us than what the doctors showed us.”

“The Gods of Pestilence only knew their own diseases.”

Heero snorted. “True. And it was all we knew, too. But we learned.”

“Good for you.” I, however, hadn't managed to learn everything I needed to. I still had a long way to go. Until then, I couldn't be anything other than what I was now. Whether I was the Jester, Shinigami, or just some random persona I threw on for safety's sake. It didn't matter. Not until I found out who I was.

“We were all so lost... but we found that, together, we could see a lot more.”

I started tuning him out.

“Don't you see, Duo? To understand yourself, you have to have someone else there to show you. You can't find yourself alone, out in the middle of space.”

Slowly, slowly my eyes opened. And I stared at those ghosts in horror.