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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine, despite my attempt at forgery. (Joke, for those who don't get that.)
Warning: Uhh... probably cursing in there somewhere, though I can't name specific places. Continuation of plotline again (the
horror...), and... sappiness. Tears and stuff. Please Note, All Those Concerned: I DO NOT WRITE DEATH FICS.
They're too bloody depressing. Oh! And the next chapter will probably be the last.
Only You
Chapter 20
The Best Damn Thing
I should get up, shouldn't I? I was doing something important...
Nothing I do is that important, is it? And whenever I try...
Is it better... if I...?
<*>
It was another week through, and the doctors were getting concerned.
Duo knew he was in darkness. Knew he was trapped somewhere. A part of him could feel something, something inside him, trying
to tell him to go on. To find a way out of the darkness.
But... he was at home here. He understood this place so well. This place with the memories he'd hoped to never see again.
This place that told him he was unworthy.
Yes, he knew this place. He'd been seeing more and more of it since the war ended.
So long ago. So very long ago. How long?
He'd been here, in the darkness, for a while, too. He'd heard voices. So many... Quatre. Trowa. Wufei.
But the one that hurt him the most... was Heero's. He heard Heero's voice so much. In his head. Heero wasn't around. Heero
couldn't be around.
But Duo still thought he heard him. And his voice got worse and worse. Sadder, sadder. More desperate. But fear started kicking
into Duo's system when he heard that beautiful voice start to turn empty.
But would it be better to return? Would Duo make things better, or would he make them worse? Maybe it would be best to stay
here.
But Heero... if he could find a way to help Heero, even behind the scenes...
Heero...
<*>
Two weeks.
Two weeks, and still there was no sign of life.
He came in every day, pulled to Duo's side. The nurses knew him by now and gave him a sad look. He had to just turn away.
As always, he took up Duo's hand. It had become such routine... he didn't dare think about the hand becoming lifelessly cold.
“Duo.” He no longer noticed the dead tone to his voice. Une had told him to go the hell home a thousand times
now. He couldn't. Work gave him something to do.
Wufei would be getting out today. He'd be thrilled. He'd had a dark look on his face for over a week now. The look would get
even darker after he saw Heero.
Didn't matter.
His health was automatically taken care of – sleep. Food. All so ingrained that he hardly noticed from one moment to
the next just what he was doing. He would find himself in his kitchen one moment, finishing a banana, then the next he'd be
at work hearing Une tell him that he looked more useless than a seasick rookie.
“Duo,” he said again, because there was really nothing to say. He'd said it all – everything and more. Duo
never responded.
A nurse came in and checked Duo's charts and IV. She looked at Heero and gave him a sad smile. He dared not acknowledge it.
She left with a businesslike grace.
He closed his eyes. His sleep was restful enough, but only barely. His body fell into the rhythm of recharging without any
help from him. Instinct. He had to be fit and ready – just in case.
Of course, his stab wound was healing, so it itched and burned like a motherfucker.
It was a sign he was alive. He detested it.
“Duo, I...” What could he say? He hadn't said those fateful three words yet. He feared what would happen if he
did. A part of him hoped it would bring Duo back. Another part feared it would send him spinning into death.
He didn't dare say the words.
“Duo.” He didn't notice the desperate tint to his voice. “Come back.” He laid his head on Duo's hand.
“Please, please, Duo. Come back to me.”
He almost yelped when he felt Duo's fingers twitch.
He jumped in his chair. Had Duo moved consciously? He looked at Duo's face. Nothing had changed. It was the exact same.
But it brought hope to Heero's deadened heart. With tears unabashedly swimming in his eyes, he held onto Duo's hand and, for
the first time in days, allowed himself to hope.
<*>
With Trowa's help, Heero managed to get Wufei into his wheelchair. He was breaking from his daze enough to see the tense looks
both men were giving him. Wufei looked about frustrated enough to spit. Trowa, ever-patient, merely looked concerned for the
both of them.
“Duo...” Both paid strict attention to him. Heero thought they looked shocked that he spoke to them without them
having asked him a direct question. It made him wonder about what he'd been like before. “He... he moved. It was just
a twitch,” he added hastily, seeing in their eyes the same groundless hope that had rooted itself in him. “Just
a little...”
“Yuy,” Wufei snapped in exasperation, “what the hell are you doing here?”
Heero was confused. “I don't-”
“Get back to him, Heero,” Trowa said quietly. “I can take things from here.”
“I...” But it was what he wanted to do. Right now, he had this feeling, this awful feeling. One that said that
if he didn't bring Duo back now... he'd be lost forever.
Without another word and hardly a nod, he raced from the room.
<*>
Heero called for me. Didn't he?
Does he feel guilty? His voice... so sad... so hopeless...
I don't want to hear him like that... no matter what...
<*>
He got reprimanded a few times for running in the hall, but protocol be damned. He stopped at the entrance to Duo's room.
He didn't know what he expected – a miracle, and Duo struggling up from the bed. Or maybe – and here his heart
tripped painfully – that heart monitor slowing.
But no. Everything was the same. For a short moment, Heero felt that familiar weight inside him. He shook it off. He couldn't
hide from the world now. He had to do everything he could to bring Duo back.
“Please, please, Duo, come back to me.”
“Duo,” he called, wishing he could get an answer, if only just once. He moved to the bed and instinctively sat
in the chair beside it. Again he picked up Duo's hand. “Duo. I need you. I need you to come back to me.”
There wasn't another twitch, but this time Heero was undaunted. He would bring Duo back. It wasn't like him to give up. He
wouldn't now – not on something this important.
“Duo, please. I can't lose you. I can't. Please.” He needed Duo back with him. Even if Duo left... as he'd said
he would. Even if he never saw Duo again... as long as he was all right...
“I can't lose you.” He wanted to shy away from the pain, as he always had. Wanted to stop the tears, wanted to
keep his voice from breaking. But now... it didn't matter. Because Duo may be depending on him.
“Duo, if you leave... I don't know what I'll do.” He couldn't bear to say the word 'die'. “I don't know
what I'll do without you. Do you hear me? If you die... I'll die, too.
“I... Duo... I love you so much...” And here, finally, he wept.
<*>
Heero... I hear Heero...
Oh, God, he's crying. Please Heero, don't cry. I'll do anything, just please don't cry anymore...
<*>
Another twitch. Small, even smaller than the one he'd felt before. But it was the second one. A good sign.
Heero looked up to see Duo's face and gasped. A single tear had fallen down Duo's left cheek.
“Duo...” He carefully reached up and wiped the tear away. “Duo. Please come back to me. To all of us. We're
waiting... we're all waiting for you.” He smiled, a small, sad, prayerful smile. “Please... help me laugh again.”
<*>
Heero...
I don't ever... want you to cry...
<*>
Heero sat there for another two hours, until dinner was making its rounds to all of the patients who were awake. Duo's nutrients
were sent through a tube. Heero had to turn his head. And still, still, Duo made no more movements. Either Trowa or Wufei,
damn their helpful souls, had told a doctor at some point about Duo having moved. Heero had thought, stupidly, that Duo hadn't
moved since because of the doctor's interference.
Granted, after seeing the tear streak on Duo's face, the doctor was ecstatic. Apparently it meant there was a good chance
Duo would awaken.
Heero didn't want “a good chance.” He wanted Duo awake. Now.
When the nurse left, Heero focused solely on Duo again. He didn't know what to do. Duo, over the past weeks, had started to
heal. He still had bruises everywhere, but they were more brownish-yellow that anything else. According to the doctors, his
broken bones were healing up nicely. He'd had no bullets in his system, but he'd taken a couple serious hits, one on his leg
and the other across his temple. Both were healing well. The stitches were about ready to come out. His kidney was successfully
healing, but it had been a close call. He wasn't allowed to do much of anything, even if he woke.
Heero swore fervently that he would do everything he could for Duo... just please let him wake up.
The lacerations all over him had scabbed over. His larynx hadn't sustained major damage from Oh-Three's death hold on his
neck. Those bruises were healing, too, but were still large and unsightly. Heero hated seeing them. Hated seeing all of those
wounds, of knowing about them. They all pointed to his inability to protect the one thing that had given him reason to life.
“Did you know that, Duo? You're the reason I swore to survive the war. Didn't you know? That last message... it had
been for you.”
If only... no. He'd already played the 'if only' game. Heero was one to believe that paths not taken might as well have never
existed to begin with. There was no use looking at them; they were past and gone. Never to be seen again. There was no reason
to stand stupidly on the path you'd chosen, looking back and wondering 'what if'. It solved nothing.
But Duo... “I need you back. What else can I say? I need you back with me, Duo. We all do. We have so much to make up
for. To atone for. If you die...” He choked on the word, hating the tears that entered his eyes at it, “God...
what would he do without you?”
He touched his forehead to Duo's hand again, then lightly kissed the fragile skin. Pale. So pale. So soft. He'd gotten hurt
because Heero's been unable to protect him...
“I failed,” he said bitterly. “I failed, and now I'm being punished.” He would do anything to make
up for what he'd done.
Anything.
So please, God, Shinigami, whoever... please... please... bring him back to me.
<*>
Visiting hours ended before Duo awoke, and Heero was forced to leave. He promised to be back the next morning – to hell
with work. He doubted Une would mind, since she'd been trying to get rid of him for days.
Duo. He wouldn't give up. He couldn't. It was inconceivable.
Duo had to wake up. He had to.
<*>
Heero? Heero...
Did he leave? Has he given up? Does he...
Or has he...? He wouldn't... try to...
No... Heero isn't allowed to die! He isn't allowed to give up! No...
Heero can't die!
<*>
Coming out of the darkness was the hardest, most painful experience he could ever remember. It was with a sense of sorrow,
of loss, that he escaped and surfaced.
He entered a room he recognized as a hospital. It was light, but dim. Night.
He panicked. Heero wasn't here. Where was Heero? Hadn't he been here? The voices. He'd heard them in sleep. He couldn't remember
much now, only that Heero was in danger. He needed to get to Heero.
He heard beeping – faster and faster – his heartbeat, he realized. His fucking heartbeat. It was fast. Scared.
Shit. He needed to calm it down...
Didn't matter. Had to escape. Where was Heero? It wasn't too late. It couldn't be too late.
What day was it? How long had he been out? What had happened to Diane? Where was everyone?!
A nurse bustled in and gasped when she saw him awake. “Mr. Maxwell! You're awake?”
A stupid question. Duo wondered if he'd be able to knock her out with the catheter still in place.
“Oh, thank goodness. We were getting so concerned. Hold on one moment; I'll go get the doctor.” She raced out
of the room.
What the hell?
Okay, yeah, he was in a lot of fucking pain, but... but what exactly...
Where the fuck was Heero?
<*>
He tossed and turned, but he managed a light sleep nonetheless. When the phone rang, he was up like a shot.
He always kept a phone right next to the bed, war instinct and Preventor protocol practically in his bloodstream. “Hello,
Agent Yuy speaking.”
But it was Quatre's voice on the other line. “He's awake.”
Heero was off his bed in a second. He moved away from the vid screen and grabbed up an outfit and his wallet. Inside was his
Preventors badge. His gun was next. “When?” he asked.
“Just a few minutes ago. I Felt him wake up. He's scared, and he's worried about something. Heero-”
“I'm on my way,” he assured. “Is Wufei at your place?”
“Yes. We haven't woken him up yet.”
“Wait on that, or he'll want to come, too.” Heero knew his partner well, and he also knew it wouldn't be good
for Wufei to strain himself. But he wouldn't let Duo be alone. Never again. “Quatre?”
“Yes, Heero?”
He went in front of the screen again, fully prepared to leave. “Thank you.” He signed off after Quatre's nod.
God. God. Duo was awake. Alive.
“Thank you,” he whispered, just to be certain, and raced out the door.
<*>
He broke every single driving law in existence, but managed to get to the hospital in record time. He raced up to the door
and banged the hell out of it.
A nurse came up to the door, shaking his head and looking supremely irritated. He practically pressed himself against the
glass. “No visitors,” he said loudly, loud enough to be heard through the doors.
Heero smacked his Preventor's badge in front of the man's nose.
“Let me in,” he ordered, practically quivering in frustration. He didn't have a second to waste.
The man's eyes bulged. The door was opened immediately.
“What-”
But Heero had already raced past him.
He took the stairs, too restless to wait, and raced to Duo's floor. He ran down the hall as if a fire was on his heels. One
nurse, apparently the night-shift nurse for this area, saw him and began to protest. “Sir, there's no-”
“Preventors,” he snapped, and rounded the corner. He saw Duo's room lit a bit brighter than the others. Saw the
shadows of movement.
He grabbed the doorjam and swerved himself into Duo's room.
Both the doctor and Duo turned to him in shock. Heero ignored the doctor completely after saying the magic word and turned
to Duo.
His eyes. His beautiful eyes were open again.
“I'll leave the room for you, sir.” The man nodded and left, closing the door. Heero didn't care about the insinuation.
Duo was awake.
Duo was watching him with trepidation and a little concern.
But Duo was watching him.
He moved to the bed slowly, fearing somehow that this was a dream or illusion and Duo was disappear if he moved any closer.
“Duo...” And he felt those tears come back again, and he couldn't possibly care less. “Duo... thank God.”
He collapsed beside Duo's bed, his hands fisted around the metal frame. He shook in his sobs.
“Heero?!” There was rustling on the bed. Heero looked up to stop Duo from moving. Duo's eyes were wide, a bit
afraid. There grew only wider when they saw the tears streaked on Heero's face. “Heero,” he stuttered, “what-”
“You're awake.” Those words just kept reverberating in his mind – Duo's awake, Duo's awake. Thank God, Duo
was finally, finally awake.
“Yeah, but-”
“You've been in a coma,” he told Duo. He saw Duo's eyes widen, saw that fear grow. For how long? Heero
could practically hear the thought enter Duo's head. Months? Years?
“Just a couple weeks,” Heero assured. He almost laughed a bit at that. Those 'just two weeks' were the longest,
most horrendous moments in his life. “But you're awake. The doctors... were beginning to think that...” He couldn't
finish the sentence, but he didn't have to. Duo seemed to understand.
“But why...” And here Duo hesitated himself. Apparently he couldn't fathom Heero in tears.
“You're awake. I was so afraid...” Heero managed to stand. He pushed Duo ever gently back onto the bed, then carefully
cupped his cheek. “I was so afraid. I thought... I thought I was going to lose you. Again, but worse than before. So
much worse.” The tears were still falling, but Heero didn't know if they were for joy or sorrow. Relief, maybe. Tears
of sheer relief.
Duo didn't seem to understand his words. “You... were...” His brain couldn't wrap around it.
“I was so scared that my promise was what had made me lose you. But... you came back.” Heero managed a smile.
“You came back after I told you.”
“Told me what?” Duo demanded, irritated with the circular sentences.
“After I told you I love you,” Heero explained quietly. “After that... you came back to me.”
Heero heard a distinct bleep in the heart monitor, then heard Duo's heartbeat begin to race unsteadily.
“Duo?” he asked in concern, “are you all right?”
“What... did you say?”
Heero couldn't identify the tone of Duo's voice. Here was where Heero had to take his chance. Here was where it all came together...
or fell apart. “I love you.” The words were barely a whisper, but he saw that Duo had heard them. And he saw Duo's
eyes fill.
“Enough,” Duo murmured, and his voice was tight with emotion... but it seemed anger was the strongest. Heero felt
his heart plummet. “Enough... Wufei told you? Maybe Diane – is she-”
“She's fine,” Heero managed. He hoped his own voice didn't betray his hurt.
“Then she told you.” Duo seemed to decide on something. “She told you I... I love you.” Heero felt
his heart triphammer, just as Duo's did. Heero's heart did something funny – a thrill of hope, then a downward spiral
of sorrow. Duo didn't believe him. “You don't need to lie to me, Heero. The doctor said I'll make a full recovery...
eventually. I won't be slipping back... into a coma.” Heero caught the hesitation and wondered at it.
“I'm not lying. Duo... I love you.” He grabbed Duo's hand, an instinctive maneuver by now. Duo flinched, but didn't
pull away.
“Heero... really, I'm not...” Duo's voice got watery and Heero knew he, too, was fighting tears, even though Duo
kept his head carefully pointed away.
“Duo,” Heero sighed. Somehow, despite this, his heart was at peace. Finally, finally. With work, work and faith
and trust and... time... they could work this out. And now they had time.
He touched Duo's cheek and turned those violet orbs to face him. With another sigh, he bent down and touched his lips to Duo's.
The one person who mattered more to him than life.
Duo's lips parted in surprise. Heero, unconcerned, dipped inside.
That taste. That taste was completely Duo's. A bit sweet, pungent. Strong. Heady. Heero felt his mind blank.
“Duo,” he murmured. Perfect. This one moment, this one instant, was absolutely perfect.
Minus the whole Duo-being-in-a-hospital thing.
“Heero,” Duo managed, “what...”
“I love you. I have... for so long. And you were gone... after I finally had the chance to be with you and not worry
about losing you... and here we are, the war over... and still I...” Heero had to stop, had to back away a bit. Thinking
about it... even now, with Duo awake... was just too hard. “I'm so sorry, Duo.” He looked into Duo's saucer-sized
eyes and pleaded for him to understand. “I'm so sorry. I wasn't able to protect you. You, who means more than anything
to me.”
Duo's jaw worked, but nothing came out.
“I'm so sorry,” he said again, and kissed Duo's palm. “So very sorry.”
“I...” Duo cleared his throat. “I don't think I asked for your protection.”
Heero laughed in surprise. “You didn't need to, love.” Heero's eyes were intent. “It should have just been
there. But I...”
“You saved Diane, right?” Duo asked. Heero nodded. “And Wufei – shit, Wufei was injured-”
“He's doing loads better than you,” Heero said dryly.
“Yeah, yeah.” Duo made a face. “Quatre? Trowa?”
“Everyone's fine... everyone but you.”
Duo's eyes got sad and introspective for a small second. “Yeah.”
“Duo, what's your point?” Heero finally asked.
“My point, Heero, is that you finished the mission and got all of us out. Even me.” Another soft
flicker. “You had things to worry about.”
“You're the most important thing.” Heero touched Duo's cheek, then let his hand drift down to Duo's chin. Gently,
so gently as to be a feather, he touched Duo's neck. “The most important,” he repeated softly.
Duo's brow furrowed. “You aren't Heero.”
Heero laughed then, a full sound. Duo had brought back his laugh, just as Heero had asked him to. “Oh?” He smiled.
“And who am I, then?”
Duo stared as if enraptured with his face. Now, finally, Heero could begin to see those signs Wufei had spoken of –
those proofs that Duo loved him, too. His heart felt light enough to make him float.
“Pod people,” Duo muttered. Heero laughed again.
“No, love. It's me.” Duo twitched at the word 'love', as if it were some foreign element he'd never witnessed
before. Heero sighed again. “I'll leave you to rest, Duo, but we have to talk tomorrow.”
Duo frowned, and Heero knew why. “Tomorrow's Tuesday.” Heero ran off the date down to the minute. Duo seemed a
bit appeased, at least for a while.
Heero finally stood. “I've probably frightened the entire staff, running here like a madman,” Heero joked. “I'd
better go tell them there's no problem.”
Duo made a face. “You came in here like Hell was on your heels.”
“I had thought it might be on yours,” Heero said quietly. It made Duo pause. “Quatre called and told me
you were awake, but a part of me still feared...” Heero ignored the tightness in his chest this time. His face already
felt puffy and covered with salt. “Thank God you're okay. Everything's fine... just as long as you're okay.” Heero
wanted to touch Duo again, but felt it wouldn't be his smartest move. He was a smidge too emotional.
He turned to leave.
“Heero,” Duo called, effectively stopping his progress. Heero turned to see Duo's eyes watching him with an unreadable
expression. “Did you... mean it?”
It didn't matter exactly what Duo was referring to – Heero had meant every word he'd said. “Yes.”
Duo hesitated – his heart monitor was the only thing that gave away his desperation. It was a wild rhythm. Heero almost
expected the doctor to come running in demanding just what the hell he thought he was doing to the man's patient. Guess Heero
had made some sort of impression with the man. “Then you... really...” Duo hesitated. “Would you... mind...
staying...?”
Relief washed through Heero again. He smiled. “No. I wouldn't mind at all, Duo.” He went back to the bed and sat
in his little chair. He touched Duo's hand and smiled again. Duo attempted a smile back at him, even as he watched Heero with
careful eyes. Heero admitted that he deserved the strange look.
Heero hit the buzzer for the doctor to return. He wanted to hear the diagnosis for Duo, as well. And no matter what the doctor
tried, Heero wouldn't leave Duo. He vowed to not let Duo escape from him. Not ever again.
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