Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Duh.


I didn't say anything. I couldn't. This was worse than Jack Harlow coming after me. Infinitely worse. Une had just set me up with the worst team she could have ever come up with.

“Maxwell?” Wufei repeated, his voice... odd. I couldn't place it in my repertoire of Wufei Emotions – of course, the list was short. But usually I could sense a similarity, if nothing else – irritation, anger, exasperation. This sounded... hopeful? Confused? Sad? Melancholy? Distraught? Maybe he had a cold.

Une cleared her throat. Wufei and Heero jumped, but I turned gratefully to her. Get their fucking attention off of me. “Boys,” she said, and her tone was dry, “this is Black Strike, the man you are to protect. You will go with him to assist in the elimination of one Jack Harlow. Strike has the files.”

Yes, I had the files. They were bloody fucking useless.

“I am leaving Yuy in charge, with Strike acting as his second. Chang, you will continue to be Yuy's partner, as always. However... both of you may have to take orders from Strike at times. You're leaving on his ship.”

I had swallowed the groan at the notice of Yuy being in charge – fuck, I had to talk to him now – but I couldn't help the wince at the thought of them on-board my ship... able to read those goddamn poems. I knew I should've painted over them.

I ignored the look Yuy and Chang sent me.

“Get moving. I'm not paying you to stand around.” Une waved her hand in dismissal.

My back stiffened. They would talk to me. Fuck, I was stuck with them for an unknown period of time in a tiny ship... with two bedrooms. Bullshit was I sharing a room with them. I kept my ship on zero-g – an extra pillow and blanket and they would survive just fine.

Their eyes would be on me... on my poems. They might ask questions. Why? Where? What?

Well... maybe this was a test. I would try to fight my old mask... the me they thought they knew. No use in pretending... they hated me anyway.

It was with trepidation that I left Une's office with Heero and Wufei. Wufei still had that dazed, what-the-hell look, that strangely hopeful and confused look. Heero... could anyone tell a difference in Heero's face? Ice-cold and hard. For a fleeting moment, I had thought I'd seen surprise on his face. Naïve of me. I had merely seen an echo of Wufei's expression on his. A mirage. Heero was frozen.

Wufei turned to me and opened his mouth with his face still... weird. So I beat him to the punch.

“Are you packed and ready to set out or do you need a couple of hours to get everything?”

Heero glared while Wufei shook his head. “We're ready. But Maxwell-”

“Good. Then we'll get moving. We'll have to move fast – if you're with me, you're targets, as well.”

“You've been targeted already?” Heero asked. Monotone. Not a hint of concern.

“I'll brief you once we get to my ship,” I said caustically. I turned my back on them and made my way to the elevator.

<*>

We weren't attacked. I was almost disappointed – one last chance to not have to deal with this and I missed it. I wondered if I would have just stood there and waited for a bullet to hit. But then my imagination started flying, seeing Heero jump out to save me... my heart tore from within me, a pain even sharper than that which I usually felt when thinking about him. It was worse now – I knew what he looked like. I... could smell him.

His scent hadn't changed.

My ship was locked tight, but I made a sweep of the surrounding area to be sure. I made Heero and Wufei stand outside the ship while I searched, which garnered another glare and an even weirder look from Wufei. I heard them begin murmuring unintelligibly as soon as the door closed behind me.

The search proved the place clean. I said nothing to them as I led them aboard, so they weren't warned about the colors... or the blood-red words.

Wufei made a slightly shocked noise as he walked in. “I expected the place to be more... austere.”

“People paint their houses. I paint my ship. Most do.” My answers, though not as short as Heero could make them, were nonetheless clipped. I didn't want to talk to these men. I didn't want to hear the censure they always sent toward me. I didn't want to deal with it.

Fighting alone had been better. At least then I would only have to fight the cold silence of the ship.

Wufei gently touched the grass of my little meadow, then looked two feet across. He gasped again, then moved down to reverently touch the small poem, blood-red, staining the tips of the awkward blades of grass.

If only, if only
We knew what was holy
Keep fighting, keep fighting
All people die lonely

“Heero...” Wufei whispered, his voice a different tone. Still completely odd coming from him. Heero moved past me and stood by Wufei's side.

I ignored the two of them and moved to the cockpit. I didn't have to see them there yet, didn't have to think about them seeing anymore of my poems, which they were likely to start sniffing out. Damn poems. Damn mission. Damn Jack Harlow.

Oh yes. Damn Jack Harlow to a bloody fucking Hell.

I grinned. I would make sure to do just that.

I sat in my pilot's chair and buckled myself in, glad to not have to do it for anyone again. Then I got my Wing ready for launch.

I felt it when Heero and Wufei entered the room, just before I was going to have to call them in. Wufei immediately took a seat behind me – bad enough – but Heero moved to sit in the co-pilot's seat. I turned to look at him then.

“No one sits there.” My eyes and voice were both blank, as they had to be to speak to Heero. When Heero lifted his gaze and our eyes met... I ended up wearing a mask, anyway, just to try to hide the sorrow that grew inside me. But it was the eyes of Shinigami that stared at Heero. “Ever.” I ignored the fact that I'd had to put one of my captives in that seat. To me, that hardly counted.

Heero gave me a measuring stare, but went in the back and buckled up there. Thank God. I ignored the fact that I could feel silent communication going on behind me. I had a feeling I was going to have to get used to that.

One of the launchers came on my comm. link then. With a stalwart attitude, I okayed my ship and prepared for take-off.

“Make sure you're fastened safely and keep yourself relaxed,” I said to my passengers despite the fact that I knew they knew damn well how to sit through launch. I thought I heard Heero snort. “It's fucking regulation,” I snapped, though I figured they knew that, too.

Then I blanked them both from my mind and got my Wing ready for the countdown. It was all basic, but Earth was a bit harder to manage. It was a beauty of the colonies I actually appreciated – no gravitational pull, no unknown changes at the last second. Earth had a lot of those because it wasn't man-made.

Then we were going up, and it was time to adjust the thrusters and maneuver Wing in the direction they wanted to go. When we were up, I steadied the ship, lowered thrusters, and set up the course. I was going to L2, where Harlow had apparently started his operations.

I wished I was going there alone.

Heero and Wufei got up the minute they could. Without being asked, I began opening the file up for them. “This is Harlow's file. We're headed to L2.”

“Harlow started there, didn't he?” Wufei asked, but his question didn't really sound like a question.

“Yeah.” Heero moved closer to me to look over my shoulder. I got up and maneuvered around the chairs. The exit, I thought with hope, was only a few feet away.

Wufei snorted. “They all crack out of that damn colony.”

I flinched.

I escaped from the room just as I heard Wufei grunt and belatedly exclaim, “oh...!” Heero, of all people, apparently remembered where I was from and reminded Wufei.

I went to my galley, with its endless blue skies. Had they come in here already? Had they seen? Belatedly, I turned on zero-g, realizing that I wasn't as free as I usually was. But even that didn't take away the weight that was now on my shoulders. Everything was crashing around me. Even if I survived this, even if I succeeded, I would have to stop being a bounty hunter. They knew me now. Those who I was trying to avoid. Besides... I was hiding. My fists clenched at the thought. Yes. That was right. I was still hiding, still turning my back on the real me. Maybe my efforts were useless. Maybe I would never find the real me.

No! Bullshit. I wasn't going to give up now. No way. I've come too far to stop now.

I added stubborn to my list of personality traits and smiled. I liked that one.

I looked over my galley's walls, the blood-red lines on them. No doubt they would all be read by those two. They were Preventors, after all. Their job was to snoop around – within the boundaries of the law. And since I technically invited them onto my ship...

I sighed. This was going to be Hell in a trashcan.

Might as well buck up, I thought, then grabbed a bulb and sailed over to the table. I was in the mood for shit food, so I grabbed a ration bar. Fancy shit was out for today. The thought alone made me vaguely sick. Add worrywart to that list, I thought, and cringed at that. I didn't like that one.

Heero and Wufei came in a few minutes later, the file apparently read. They were silent as they came in, though Wufei immediately gasped at the amount of poems on the walls. Apparently they hadn't been in here, after all. Wufei sailed to the closest poem while Heero went straight to the refridgerator. He looked inside and lifted an eyebrow.

“No beer?”

I wanted to snap at him and his sardonic attitude. He made it sound like I should hoard beer, the drunkard that I am.

“I don't drink.”

That seemed to shock both of them. “Not at all?” Wufei asked, his reading temporarily forgotten.

“No.” My voice was getting more and more clipped. My tone said it was none of their fucking business as to why, but of course they never really paid attention to me.

“Why?” Heero sounded... so fucking sarcastic.

I wanted to snarl at him. I wanted to say something biting, like, “I keep my drinking for when I'm with my whores,” or maybe, “I'm Duo and I've been alcohol-free for three days,” or something equally cynical. Instead I kept my mouth closed and only grunted. See how he liked a taste of his own fucking medicine. Ah. Cruel irony. Gotta love it.

Wufei decided to change the subject. “Duo, what are these?” He pointed to the poems on the walls.

I, in turn, looked at him as if he had something medically wrong with him. “They're poems,” I said slowly. Thanks for turning the direction somewhere I don't want to go, I thought snidely.

Wufei sighed. Heero, ever the asshole, growled. Like it was either of their business, I thought. Inwardly, I realized that the thought of them knowing anything about me... was absolutely terrifying. I didn't want them to know anything about me. They hated the fake me enough... how would I cope if the two people I respected the most... hated the real me?

Sensitive, I added to that list, and winced in my head. That one sounded... girly.

“Maxwell,” Wufei said slowly, as if speaking to a small child, “I meant, what do these poems-”

In a spurt of terror, I snapped, “Are we going to talk about beer and poems this entire trip?”

Wufei looked surprised. I didn't bother to look to see what Heero looked like. “No. But we have enough time to ask a few questions.”

“Like where you've been,” Heero decided to add.

I tensed. “Obviously I've been around.” I waved my arm to indicate the galley and the ship at large. “You've known the basics of where I've been, now haven't you?”

“Why?” Wufei asked, a smarter question but one I still didn't want to answer.

“What about you?” I argued, then dropped the subject. “Do you want to be briefed or not?” Not that I wanted to tell them a damn thing, but if we kept this up than the questions would only get more and more personal.

They both just stared at me. I took that as a yes.

So I told them about the mission specs and what happened at the site. I expected some smart-ass comment about how I should have seen the trap laid out for me, but there was surprisingly no insults. I decided to wait until after the briefing was over. Wufei hissed when I told them about the men around my ship that I took care of.

“Une should interrogate them,” Heero said then. “We should get a message about what they said when we land.”

I snorted. “You mean whatever information your legal system can get,” I smirked. “I already got all the information they can give us.”

Both looked unhappy about that. I ignored that, as well. “They didn't know much, just that they were promised a position in the Order of Apocalypse if they killed me.” A glare from Wufei that I couldn't shrug off on the inside. “As for the Order of Apocalypse... they said it would be the next generation, the next world, and the revolution. A promise for eternal justice and recognition. And of course, the one who would take them into this revolution is none other than Harlow.

“Their 'revolution' wouldn't bother me in the least if it weren't for the weapons they have.”

“They do have them, then?” Wufei asked. Judicial systems. I hated them.

“At least the basics,” I confirmed.

“The men?” Heero guessed.

“No. The ship. The men were only equipped with old-time pistols and automatics. Still illegal, I suppose, but not that big a deal. I'm more concerned with the lasers they've put on their ships.” My own ship, by the way, was scanning the area around it at all times. I had a feeling it would be doing that for a while.

“Lasers?” Wufei gasped in alarm. “You were chased by a ship equipped with laser cannons?”

“Yes.” I glared at him. “Is that enough proof?”

Wufei looked shocked at my reaction. I suppose it would be construed as odd; I usually smiled in front of them no matter what. Well, that was going to change. I wasn't going to use that mask in front of them. I'd had enough of trying to get them to be close to me. Now I would push them away. Now they would know how it felt. If they even cared.

“Yes. That would be enough.” Heero's voice was as empty as ever. Cold and calculating. I felt my heart twist. Why did I care so much what this man thought? He'd been nothing but cruel to me since I'd met him. So why...

Why did I fall in love with him?

“Good,” I said. Then I stood. “I'll let you two do whatever legal shit you have to do. I'm off to bed.” I moved to leave, then turned back. “You're room is the second on the right from here. There's only one bed, but we're in zero-g. Just pick a blanket.” Then I left the galley.

“Duo!” Wufei came out after me. I had to stop; it would be a bad idea to look churlish, even if I was acting in such a way. I turned to him and was struck again by the emotions I thought I saw in his eyes. “Duo,” Wufei started.

“Is this personal?” I asked, hating how dead my voice sounded. I hated how I automatically hid whenever I was around someone. Wasn't that exactly why I had decided to get away from people?

Wufei hesitated. “Yes.”

“Then I don't want to hear it.” I turned to leave again.

“Duo, wait!” Wufei grabbed my arm. I twisted him off with a quick jerk and turned on him.

“Don't ever touch me again, you son of a bitch!”

I turned at his stunned face and rushed into my room. I couldn't close the door fast enough.

<*>

I wasn't surprised to be awakened by the alarm.

I rushed to my pilot's seat and shouted. “Get in here!” I hadn't needed to; both were coming in. Two ships were coming this time; a greater challenge. “Fuck,” I whispered.

“Who is it?” Heero asked as he strapped himself in. Wufei was right beside him, doing the same.

“Two enemies,” I told him, then snapped, “shut up!” when he seemed ready to speak again.

“You need a co-pilot,” Heero continued stubbornly.

“No,” I snapped. Then sent the ship into a twist as the first ship fired. I heard Heero grunt; apparently he'd been about to defy my orders. I smirked. Served him right.

The second fired as I twisted; I had to keep turning my ship. My Wing groaned under the strain. “Come on, baby,” I coaxed. She leveled and shot forward, straight toward the enemies. I had to do this perfectly. Perfectly. No fucking problem. Shinigami in overload. In a fit of fuck-all, I turned on my battle music. Godsmack immediately blared from my speakers, shouting about how much he fucking hated someone. I grinned widely and sent my Wing into a corkscrew. “Hold on,” I said belatedly. I imagined a chuckle from Wufei's direction.

They were aiming wildly now, trying to hit anything instead of trying to shoot me down. They didn't want me close. I wondered if that other ship had made it back to their base. In any case, they're psychotic aim was just going to make this that much easier.

Dodging their cannons meant turning another corkscrew. Wing was a comparatively small ship, able to dodge quicker than those bulkier machines. It was the reason there were only two bedrooms, the reason I was able to move so quickly.

I yanked my Wing to the right, then dove it down. Or at least, whatever right and down or any fucking direction is out here in space. Their cannons were just a touch out of sync. I had to wait. Damn.

I flew behind them and twisted Wing around in a tight U-turn. I could've sworn I'd seen the tail of my ship.

They're cannons fired again and again, some already off. Those were tricky; I had to make sure I didn't fly into the fuckers.

But just when Disturbed came on to sing about his enemy, their cannons synced. “Yes,” I whispered, and flew towards them. I twisted inside to lock closer to them as their beams lit to fire. My ship corkscrewed right between them, almost scraping the one on my left. They fired at the same time – at just the right time. I charged my Wing to get the hell out of there as fast as it could just as they blew each other up.

I let out a war whoop as I exited the scene, finally allowing myself to bounce to the lyrics. I patted the dash and whispered a thank you to my ship. Then I ran a scan on the perimeter. Only when I got a clear signal did I start relaxing. I switched the music to classical and listened to the Devil's Trill as it started its haunted melody. I unbuckled myself and shook my bangs out of my face.

And saw Heero making his way into the co-pilot's seat.

“Get the fuck away from that,” I snapped. Dammit. I was tense again.

Heero's eyes were calculating as they stared at me. “Why does the thought of having someone in the co-pilot's seat disturb you so much?”

Let's review this real quick, shall we? I was tense already thanks to the fight. I was tired. I was tense from having them around. I was nervous. I was sad. And I was afraid. I knew all that. I also knew that I had the Shinigami mask on overdrive, not only to deal with them but to deal with the enemies I had just faced. So I reacted on pure instinct based on Shinigami, frustration, and fear.

“It's not the thought of having someone in that seat. It's the thought of having you in that seat.”

I felt instantly like a total and complete shit.

I didn't take back the words, though; couldn't open myself like that. I stood then and allowed my body to float in zero-g, free from the straps. I didn't feel nearly as free as I usually did. “I'm going to the galley,” I told the air, and made a hasty exit.

I made it there without anyone stopping me. I grabbed a bulb of water and closed my eyes as I sipped. What had I done? What... what was I doing now? I was being just as cruel to them as they had been to me. Sure I felt anger towards them, bitterness...

But doing the same... was that really the answer?

I sighed. I knew the answer to that. But going back... who could I be?

The answer to that was instant, as well: me. Just be me. Do what I want, be who I am.

Why was the thought of doing that so terrifying?

I threw the empty bulb into the incinerator. What did I know about myself? And though I could test what i knew out... were these two the ones I wanted to test it out on? I didn't think so. Not these two who's respect meant so much to me. If they rejected the real me...

I shivered. Best to think about this in the safety of my room.

I turned to leave and almost bumped into Wufei. I spun in the air to avoid him and caught the other ship of the wall.

“Maxwell...” Wufei was looking at me with another one of those emotion-filled stares, full of concern and worry. I couldn't look at him. My gaze fell to the floor. I pushed off and sailed past him. “Wait! Maxwell...”

I didn't wait this time. I moved to my room and keyed in the password with fingers that wanted to shake. When the door finally started opening, I moved in and hit the button for it to close before it had even half-way opened.

Finally safe, at least for the moment, I sailed to my blanket and my pillow, grabbing them both and pulling them around me. I buried my face in my pillow, smelled my own scent. I hugged it to me and fought back the stinging feel of tears.

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Every story unless otherwise claimed is Kayura's, and is copyrighted 2006 under her name.