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Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. Duh.
Since Heero had destroyed his radio in a fit of temper, it was with Wufei's that they listened to make sure that Une was sending
out men to check on the missing Preventors – who were now crammed in the closet in the house with a blubbering, burly
bad guy – before simply listening in for new reports. Une would probably tell them not to use the radios too often,
but it was better to listen anyway. The van turned out to be bullet-proof and nondescript, though Heero and Wufei had needed
to dismantle a locating device embedded into the van. Of course, they had hardly harmed the van at all by doing so.
They drove through the path they had fought on just yesterday and headed to a place about 550 miles away called “Zzyzyx”.
It was gonna be a long drive.
<::>
Duo realized quickly that neither Heero nor Wufei was going to listen to music or continue a conversation. That...
wasn't good.
How bored could he get? Well, after the first three hours, he was desperately trying to sleep. Jesus. Even during the war
these guys were more communicative.
Hell, maybe he should take that back. At least before, if they had ignored his existence, they'd at least had the decency
to ignore each others' existence, as well. Not this time – now they were talking quietly to one another, pointing to
things on the map beside them (Une had stockpiled the van for her men... the white van... Duo wondered if it was the same
one he'd seen before).
So Duo just sat in the back and tried to pretend he didn't exist the same way they could. It may have been the stupidest idea
of his life, coming here thinking he could help Heero. More than ever, he realized just how very alone he was.
So he tried to fall asleep. It would have been easier if he were tired and not so full of aches and pains. He entertained
himself with a chess game in his head and tried to ignore how pitifully lonely he felt.
<::>
“Yuy,” Wufei growled, and Heero once again refused to answer “Yuy, for the love of God-”
“Chang, drop it.” He was tense and on edge. It had started first thing in the morning when Chang had left the
cave with him. He hadn't been left the hell alone since.
“Dammit, Heero, you're making this worse,” Wufei hissed sharply. Heero knew he meant business when he started
using first names. “You have been unnecessarily cruel to Duo ever since he came here.”
“He put himself in danger-”
“Yuy, you are a fool if you don't realize he wants to be near us.”
“You're a fool if you think that was even remotely intelligent of him-”
“Dammit, Yuy, are you so blind you don't see the man's in love?”
Heero managed to open his mouth, but then his jaw just kind of got stuck and his brain blanked on how to make sounds.
Wufei, of course, looked pissed, like he shouldn't have needed to say something so blatantly obvious. “Duo has gotten
stuck in the same place we used to be, Heero,” he said severely. “We all managed to get together and become friends,
but Duo...”
“Friends.” Heero managed to spit that word out, but it was bitter on his tongue. “He wants to be friends.”
“Oh, for the love of-” Wufei looked out the windshield. “Pay attention to the road, Yuy.”
Heero forced his eyes back to the front. The two were silent for a few minutes as he adjusted his speed – he'd been
pushing the gas in tension – and got out of a truck's blind spot.
“You are hopeless,” Wufei finally muttered. “From the start, Maxwell admitted that he would feel better
if he were here with us. He'd obviously been speaking about you. You are oblivious if you have not seen the way he looks at
you.”
“The way...” Heero flicked his gaze to the rearview mirror. He saw Duo with his head against the window. His eyes
were closed, but his breathing said he was still awake. “What do you mean?”
Chang's sigh was very loud. “Fool,” he said tenderly, “he looks at you the same way you look at him.”
Heero almost swerved into the next lane. “He... what?!” A neighboring car in the next lane gave out an irritated
honk.
He saw Duo look up at him and realized his voice had risen. He quickly lowered it. “What the hell are you talking about,
Chang?”
“Do you not remember the dinner you had with him?” Wufei demanded. “Did you not give me every little fucking
detail? Are you that goddamn clueless?” Wufei's frustration level must have been high if he was going to curse all the
time. “I'm giving you until the end of this horrendous fucking mission and then I'm going to tell him myself.”
He silenced Heero's next complaint with a growl. “You are being ridiculous!”
“If he cares so much, why doesn't he say anything?” Heero demanded – petulantly.
“What the hell, Yuy?” Chang snapped back. “Why aren't you saying anything? You, who always says to
follow your emotions? At least Maxwell admits that he runs and hides!”
Heero bit down on his retort and his temper. Wufei lapsed into silence as well, knowing that he was demanding a lot from his
partner.
Heero stared sightlessly out the windshield. What... what should he do?
<::>
Was it pathetic to admit it hurt more to have it shown to him that they were trying to keep their conversation closed off
from him? He had seen Heero look at him before lowering his voice once again.
He stared out the window beside him, cursing himself as a fool. He'd heard what Wufei had said last night. He'd thought the
two of them... well, he'd hoped again... he'd hoped that a kinship was growing, that they...
Stupid.
The interstate never really changed in appearance, which made the ride unbearably monotonous. The sides of the interstate
was made up of a forest or woods. Whatever. Trees. Maybe a couple houses. Maybe a wall for some ungodly reason or another.
Signs. More signs. More trees.
Boring.
Usually he would be traveling in Deathscythe. After Deathscythe, he traveled alone. There was always music. Silence always
seemed to eat at him. He always started thinking, introspective thoughts that ended up hurting him. It also just bored
the snot out of him.
So here he was, in a car with two people who were successfully ignoring him – two people who's respect he wanted more
than anyone's – with no sound and a day's travel still ahead of him.
He feared for Diana's life. The last dance could already be over. She could be beyond dead. He wondered shortly if that weren't
better for her, but he grieved for her nonetheless.
She had been so kind to him. She was the only one who didn't ignore him, who didn't hurt him. She had found out that he loved
Heero and she had hurt for him. She had been so kind, despite all that had happened to her. She...
She had reminded him of Sister Helen.
When memories of the church entered his head was when the restlessness hit.
“So!” he chirped, flinging his elbows on the backboard of the car and throwing on that Jester's Mask. To hell
with them. Just like always – he would be ignored or it would be too quiet or... something... and then he would hide
from the memories by pissing off these two men who he held in such high regard. “Did you guys know that mosquitoes can
only see the color blue? Isn't that weird? Well, maybe not, because a human's blood is blue before it hits oxygen, but is
that true for all animals?”
“Duo...” Wufei spoke up, but Duo heard no frustration this time... only sadness. That scared Duo even more.
“Can they see the color of our skin? Like are we gray or are we some sort of blue? We're probably gray. That way our
veins show up like a neon light.”
“Well, at least they treat all men equally then, don't they?”
Duo... gaped. He could have sworn he just heard Heero Yuy make a joke... Heero had joined into Duo's little ramble and had
made a joke? Heero... a joke? The Heero? Omigod.
“Y-Yeah,” Duo replied finally, “but it might also mean we're equal to cows.”
Duo was rendered absolutely fucking speechless when Heero Yuy and Chang Wufei both burst into laughter. He thought about Twilight
Zones and pod people and crazy aliens from outer space. Maybe he was still in the hospital hallucinating... but this hallucination
seemed a bit too far-fetched, even for him.
“Well, Maxwell,” Wufei chuckled – Wufei chuckled – “perhaps there are some humans
that are like cows?”
“You mean we make good burgers?” Heero spoke up, “or do you mean the way we milk our females?”
“Thank you, Yuy,” Wufei said drolly, “for that lovely imagery.”
Heero laughed at that.
Duo reeled at what he was hearing. His jesting usually resulted in pissing off these two. Now they were continuing his jokes?
Now they were laughing?
Somehow... Duo felt further away from them than ever. How pathetic was that? Somehow, seeing these two so close to each other,
so... calm and... loose... around each other when there had never been nearness with him around... Duo felt very alone.
“Seriously, Wufei, just how the hell are people like cows?” Heero asked. Duo could only look at how comfortable
Heero seemed all of a sudden and he wanted to jump out of the car and run back (more like crawl if he jumped out at this speed,
and that was if he didn't get run over) to his raggedy home and his pathetic job and disappear into his own little oblivion
again. He didn't belong here. What in the hell had possessed him to come here? Even the fear for Heero's safety would be better
than this: physical proof that he wasn't welcome in this world.
<::>
Duo listened as Heero and Wufei debated man's intelligence as related to cows, then as they switched to giraffes and even
elephants and rhinos. He didn't speak much, but then, his input wasn't necessary, didn't seem to even be expected. He may
as well have been forgotten... they may as well have been talking quietly again.
The conversation was... surreal. They laughed all the time – and cynical, sarcastic, dry humor that would have made
Duo choke with laughter if he weren't frozen in shock.
He finally decided to just get some sleep and leaned his head back. His body hurt. His head hurt – especially the part
that had been grazed by the bullet, damn but that throbbed. No real bad concussion, though – he'd been injured enough
before that his body was practically immune, or at least that's how it seemed. His... heart hurt. When had everything changed?
When had these two become such good friends? And what really hurt... was that they'd done it all without him. Like he wasn't
a part of their new world at all. He was merely a memory of the past.
Was he dead to them?
<::>
Heero triple-checked before he said anything – yes, Duo was asleep. “He's hurting.”
“Of course he is,” Wufei hissed. “He's been alone all this time.”
Heero wondered at that. “Duo is never alone. He must have made friends-”
Wufei snorted. “Yes, I've seen so many of them.” Wufei glared at Heero. Uh-oh. Lecture time. “Would
friends allow someone to live in those conditions?”
That thought made Heero feel even worse. “We aren't very good friends, then, are we?”
Wufei was silent at that. No, Heero feared, seeing the cuts and bruises all over Duo's body, We aren't good friends
to you at all, are we, Duo?
<::>
Duo woke up when Heero and Wufei switched sides and Wufei took the wheel. He opened his mouth to make an offer to drive, but
for some reason thought it would be better to maintain silence and again closed his mouth.
Wufei looked back as Heero took his seat. “Oh, you're awake? We're about to get some fast food. Is that all right?”
Duo nodded. A part of him wanted to joke about 'no Taco Bell' but... really? He just didn't feel like he had the energy to
maintain the jester. He still felt incredibly tired. It was all exhaustion – physical exhaustion, emotional exhaustion.
He was just too damn tired. He hurt. He ached. Food? Sure, he was hungry. And he needed the energy. But he didn't want to
stay awake long enough to get it.
He didn't want to be awake.
Okay, this was bullshit. He was unhappy when the two Brothers Grimm were so damn... grim, and now he was unhappy when
they were laughing? What kind of selfish jerk was he that he hated thei happiness?
But he didn't hate it. He... envied it.
The two in the front were back to speaking quietly again. Duo didn't bother trying to hear, didn't bother to try to lip-read.
If they didn't want him to lip-read, he wouldn't be able to. And to be honest... a part of him wallowed in the loneliness.
He was, after all, a martyr at heart. Little Duo will suffer in silence, thank you very much.
He looked out the window. The scene was one of a dark sunset – the violets and blues were deep... even the red looked
more like the color of dried blood.
Darkness. At least the weather was with him.
He wondered idly about what they were talking about... what they were excluding him from. If it was about the mission, he
should know... but damned if he would ask. And maybe they considered him to be just as useless now as they thought during
the war. If it was about how useless he was...
But dammit, he had fought three of the fuckers at once! Heero and Wufei had only fought against one each. He had been a Gundam
pilot, same as them. They'd all gone through rigorous training. Dammit, why wasn't he seen as an equal?!
<::>
They ate McDonald's. None of them really liked the greasy food (Duo did take delight in the milkshake, though), but
it was the best they could do. They had to stay on the road.
Heero and Wufei had gotten salads while Duo had gotten a burger. He knew very well that salads had lettuce in them, and he
did not trust lettuce from fast food joints. Hello? He worked in one that made lettuce every day. He knew.
A tiny, sadistic part of him took pleasure in them eating it.
He slurped his milkshake while they quietly drank their sodas – Diet Coke. What was the point of that? Might as well
get the good stuff. Duo had good enough metabolism to take it without a problem.
Heero ate quickly, then closed his eyes and... went to sleep. Made sense, since they were obviously planning to switch off
together... as if Duo didn't exist.
Of course, once Heero was asleep, Duo wanted to be, as well. The last thing he needed was Wufei starting another one of those
conversations.
He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. He could only hope this whole damn thing ended soon.
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