Kayura_Sanada's Fiction - Fanfiction, Original, Yaoi and M/F
Chapter Six: Light in the Dark
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Chapter Six

Originally Chapter Twelve

Light in the Dark

Disclaimer - The lyrics aren't mine, and neither are the Gundam boys. Duh.

Claimer - The poem is mine, just like the storyline.



I still want you by my side, just to help me dry the tears that I've cried...



Heero watched Duo wake up, a small smile flitting on his face. Duo slept soundly, a faint snore breaking the quiet of the room. Heero tried to adjust his position and felt a presence on the bottom of the bed. He looked down to see Hero lying there, sleeping, it seemed, just as silently as his master.

Heero looked at him with a small frown. Where did the dog constantly come from??? He dropped the matter and turned his gaze back to Duo. His hair wisped around him, loose and free. The band holding it must have been lost sometime during the lovemaking.

Heero smiled at the thought. Lovemaking. Gods, he'd wanted this. He reached over and tentatively touched Duo's cheek. The soft skin felt even more fragile against his calloused palm, and he quickly brought his hand back.

Before he realized it, Duo had grabbed his hand. Heero looked into Duo's eyes, sleepy and warm. A soft smile touched Duo's lips, and he brought Heero's hand back onto his cheek.

Heero's heart burst.

"Duo," he breathed, afraid to speak. Afraid to stay silent. "I..."

Duo shook his head. "Shh," he said, "Please... let's stay like this. Just... for a little while?"

Heero leaned over and gently kissed his love's forehead. "Duo, I want to stay like this with you forever."

"Thank you," Duo whispered, and drifted quietly back to sleep.

Heero propped up an elbow and contented himself with staring at Duo through the dawn's first light. The sun's orange rays made his hair seem on fire, and made his pale skin fairly glow. "Duo." There was no answer, and he continued. "Whatever you want, if it's in my power to give, it's yours."

<<<<<*>>>>>

"Uhmm... Heero?"

"Yes, Duo?"

"What's your job?"

Heero choked on his coffee, and began to cough. Duo moved to help, but Heero waved a hand and ordered his body under control. When he had calmed, he slanted Duo a Look. "What?"

Duo looked sheepish, but bulldozed ahead anyway. "Well, I kinda realized that we had... uhmm, that we'd... duuhh..."

Heero watched him with a strange curiosity. Why did Duo seem to have trouble putting what they'd done into words?

"Uuhhh, that we'd... y'know... dammit Yuy, help me out here!"

Heero started, then looked at Duo guiltily and made a small smile. "You mean that we made love?"

Duo opened his mouth, closed it, and looked away. "Uhh, I was thinking had sex."

That stung.

"Anyway," Duo continued quickly, and Heero tried to throw his pain aside, "we did that without knowing anything about each other's lives after the war." He slanted Heero a look. "You... do know nothing about my life after the war, do you not?"

"I am oblivious," Heero admitted sheepishly. "But I don't want to be."

"You never liked being unaware of something," Duo said, almost to himself. "So what's your... uh... occupation?"

Heero chuckled slightly. "I work with Wufei as a Preventer."

"You're a Preventer?" Duo asked, watching him with a new intensity.

"Yes," he acknowledged, waiting to hear what Duo had to say.

There was a pregnant pause. "Oh."

"...Duo?"

Duo's eyes slowly raised up from the kitchen table, wary and closed off. They quickly changed to that goofy grin and sparkling mirth that Heero could now see past. It was as if sleeping with Duo had awakened a new bond between them, and Duo could no longer hide from him. "I should've known you couldn't give up on the battles, Hee-chan."

"Duo..." Heero shook his head and didn't say anything. He remembered what the journal had said. It hurt to know that Duo found it necessary to hide behind his mask around him. But, at the same time, he understood. These emotions that had erupted within him were strong. Strong and volatile. "The battles... aren't everything. I want to protect the peace that we've had to fight for. That's why I stayed with Relena. I wanted to protect her because she symbolized the peace. It was taken... the wrong way. Apparently by everyone."

Duo regarded Heero for a bit more before getting up and picking up the coffee pot. He filled up his glass and looked pointedly at Heero. He shook his head, and Duo placed the pot back down. "I don't understand you."

Heero watched him.

Duo sighed his defeat. "You try to kill me. You try to kill yourself. You stick around Relena like you're two pieces of Velcro. You... you come to me, wanting to be with me. You fight desperately for peace and harmony; you give up your Gundam and head off to no man's land after that thing with Maremeia." Duo looked at Heero with eyes that glittered strangely. "You risk your life a thousand times... and when its over, when it's not necessary to fight anymore... you go back to that damn battlefield. Why?"

"I have to, Duo. I am a soldier."

"Not anymore!" Duo slammed his coffee down on the counter beside him. The dark liquid splashed upon his hand, wisps of smoke whirling lightly in the air above the accident.

"Duo!" Heero yelped. He bolted up from his seat.

"Stay back, Heero!" Duo warned, and Heero saw his hands tremble slightly. "You were a soldier. The time of wars and fighting is over. The Gundams, the mobile suits, they're all gone!"

"But, though wars have ended, battles have only just begun," Heero explained quietly. "Every day, there's someone trying to take away this peace. I fight for it. Like I always have. Like I always will. Duo, it's who I am."

"But why is it a part of you? I've had enough worrying!" Duo gave a small squeak, seemingly horrified of what he'd said.

It dawned on Heero. "You're afraid I'll die."

"Well," he defended himself, "aren't you the one who constantly blew himself up? Aren't you the one always taking the worst missions? The one making the simplest missions a damn suicide assignment?! Yes, Heero Yuy, you are. That's all you ever seemed to do." Duo turned his head away, looking at his injured hand. "And... when you went after that last piece of Libra... and when you blew yourself up... and... gods, then there was the time you -"

"Duo..." Heero stood and walked over to Duo, wrapping his arms around him and lying his head on Duo's. "I can't say that I wouldn't do it again if I had the chance to go back." He felt Duo stiffen, but still held on. "All I can do is say that I'm sorry. But my only thought was peace. I'm a warrior, first and foremost. That's how I was brought up."

"But... why?" Duo buried his face into Heero's chest, breathing deeply. Heero hugged him tighter.

"I don't know, Duo." Heero shifted slightly, bringing their bodies into full contact. "But that's who I am. Ever since I was a kid, I was brought up to be an assassin."

Duo pulled back and looked up at him. "Since you were a..."

Heero smiled down at him. "Come on," he said gently. "Let's get that hand cleaned up." He led Duo to the sink and turned the water on.

"Hee-Heero, I... when I was a kid, I-"

"No," Heero whispered, "tell me when you're ready. Only then." His eyes lit up as he turned the water slowly to hot. "You haven't told me your job."

"OW!" Duo tried to pull his hand back, but Heero held onto it. "What're you trying to do, burn the whole damn thing?!"

"Calm down, Duo," Heero chuckled. "It'll hurt now, but it works better this way."

"IT HURTS!" Duo screeched, again trying to wrench his hand free.

Heero leaned his head down to Duo's ear. "Trust me."

Duo stopped struggling, but he held himself as stiff as a board. Heero quickly lathered some soap onto Duo's wound, washed it off, and turned off the water. "There. See?"

Duo looked down at his hand, then at Heero. "I don't feel it anymore." He looked back down.

"I know you don't." Heero dried off his hands on a nearby dishcloth. "Here." Duo hardly managed to look up from his arm in time to catch the towel. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Duo remarked, blotting his own hand with the cloth.

"What's your job?"

Duo raised his brows to his eyes, head still lowered. He quickly looked back down. "I... don't really have a job."

Heero's eyes widened. "...You..."

"I've done stuff. I've managed. This house was already paid off... it's one of Quatre's, of course, but..." He saw Heero's concerned gaze and looked quickly away. "It's not that I don't have a job... I just don't have a real job." Heero's face puckered in confusion. "No, I have a job... sort of... it's not really a job, though..."

"Duo... please, just say it." Heero felt something odd working in his chest. His heart pounded so hard it hurt. Something squeezed in him, leaving him gasping for breath. He didn't have a job and Heero hadn't known to help. Why didn't he ask for it? Stubborn little-

"Well... it's just..." Duo groaned. "Why did I bring up this subject?!"

"It would have come up eventually," Heero pointed out. Duo slanted a quick look at him, a question in his violet eyes. Heero couldn't make out exactly what it was before he looked away again.

"I... I write. Mostly poems. That kind of stuff."

Duo had Heero's rapt attention. "You're... a poet?"

Duo winced. "Yeah."

"Like what?" Heero asked.

Duo cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"Say one," Heero said. "Please?"

Duo groaned. "Not that look."

Heero looked at him oddly. "What look?"

His groan only rose. "You don't know you're doing it?!"

"Doing what?"

"Why me?!" Duo buried his head in his hands. "Wheelhumm hoo hihurl."

Heero blinked. "What???"

Duo's hands slid slowly down his face, hanging for a millisecond before dropping like stones to his sides. "Welcome to my world/ Where shadows hide the light/ And darkness overwhelms you/ And you don't know what to fight."

Heero heard it, heard the rhythm. His heart beat anguishly. In the words, in the voice... there was so much pain in them both.

"Say hello to the darkness/ Say good morning to despair/ Sacrosanctity is forgotten/ In the depths of my lair."

"Duo..." Heero murmured, wanting him to stop now. But Duo seemed to be lost in his words.

"So whisper to the shadows/ Of all that I've done wrong/ They already know my secrets/ This is where I belong."

"No!" Heero cried, and crushed Duo against him once more. Duo looked startled for a moment. "Stop, please. You've done nothing wrong. I can't think of anyone who's done anything more right."

"You're wrong," Duo said softly, so softly Heero could hardly hear it. "You don't know... you can't possibly know what I've done..."

"Duo..."

Duo's eyes gazed at nothing. He seemed to be lost. "Sister Helen... Father Maxwell... I killed them... It was me... I caused the Maxwell Church Tragedy... it's all my fault..."

Heero recognized the name of the Maxwell Church Tragedy. He had always wondered if Duo had been a part of that organization. "How could you have? You were only a child."

"It was me, Heero. I killed them all. No one sees that. Quatre's doctors couldn't help me. They all asked me why I was upset. I couldn't tell them. They've never been there. They've never seen it. They didn't-"

"Duo! Snap out of it! Please!" Heero shook Duo slightly, starting to feel panicked.

Duo shook his head. "I'm just so tired of the roller coaster, Heero," he whimpered, grabbing Heero's shirt tight in his fingers. "I want off. I just want off it. I hate this..."

Heero grabbed Duo's lax body carefully. "It's going to be okay, Duo," he reassured his now sleeping lover. "I'll help you, I swear."

<<<<<*>>>>>

Hero whined at the front door, and Heero let him in. He bounded inside and yipped his happiness. Heero went back to the kitchen and sat down, his coffee mug sitting forgotten in front of him. He had placed Duo on his bed, sheetless because the sheets that were on last night were being cleaned thoroughly... by the washing machine. Definitely not by him.

Hero placed his front paws on Heero's lap. Heero looked down and tried a smile for the animal. Hero rested his head on his paws and looked up with that way only dogs could. "Not falling for it, huh?" Heero asked quietly, and turned to look at his mug. His gaze rose to Duo's mug on the other side of the table. "Me neither." His head dropped into his hands. "When Duo told me... it didn't really hit me how devastated a person would be for them to be willing to..." He couldn't finish that train of thought.

Hero whined in pity.

Heero looked down at him and laughed a bit. "You know more about this guy than I do. Help me out, eh?"

Hero paused for a moment, then leaped up and barked. Heero cocked his head. "What?" The dog barked again, and Heero stood. It ran off into the living room, then turned and barked once more.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" Heero laughed and followed the dog, who led him up the steps and into Duo's room. Heero's chuckling stopped cold.

Duo was thrashing on the bed, making little mewing noises. His body looked slick with sweat. Heero hurriedly stepped forward. "D-Duo?"

Duo stilled and opened his eyes. Had he really awakened that easily?

Heero quickly ran a visual scan on Duo and noted that there were no injuries. He felt a tightening in him loosen. "I'm glad you're safe."

"Sister!"

Heero started in surprise. His voice was like a child's. He checked Duo's eyes one more time and did a double take. His eyes were dilated and-

"I-I'll go get a doctor!"

Duo, what're you dreaming about? Heero wondered, coming up to the edge of the bed. Is it something from your past? It looks so... painful...

"W-Was it my fault?! Because I stole the mobile suit from the Alliance?"

"Duo..." Heero kneeled down beside the bed. "Please... wake up?" Let me help you... let me be here for you now...

"That's not noble! That's just dumb!" Duo's fists pounded upon the bed. "What's the point if he's dead now?!"

"Dead?" Fear made Heero grab Duo's shoulders. The panic inside him could not be squelched. "Duo, wake up! Wake up! Whatever happened, it's in the past! Please, don't torment yourself over it now! I know it may hurt, but you've got to let it go! Whoever died, don't remember them dead!" A little girl flashed before Heero's eyes, a smile on her face. His heart wrenched in remembered pain. "Duo, it'll be okay. I'm right here!"

Duo slumped a bit in the bed, and his eyelashes fluttered. He turned his head. "H-Heero?" He struggled to get up, but Heero didn't give him the chance. Instead, he was caught underneath Heero's crushing embrace. "What-"

"Shh," Heero murmured. "Just let me hold you for a moment."

"Heero..." Duo's arms curled around Heero's body. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, just holding one another. Making sure the other was real.

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Every story unless otherwise claimed is Kayura's, and is copyrighted 2006 under her name.